231 years ago, this little nugget was uttered…”In this world, nothing can be said to be certain except death and taxes.” Well, Mr. Franklin, while true, there are a few things that you could have added. A few that come to mind? Your dog will, at one point in their life, shit on your nice rug. You will misplace your AirPods, buy new ones, then find the lost ones. You will wake up after your 50th birthday party and not remember your 50th birthday party. But, above all, the one g-d given truth is that you will watch your first born drive away for his LAST semester of college leaving you with the burning question of “I wonder if this is the last time he will be a permanent resident under our roof.”
Naturally, the first thing you do is cry for a solid two hours, gratefully surrounded by your film family who won’t judge, because they know the kid and have watched him grow up - both inside and outside film sets. Then you will be reminded that you still have one child under your roof. Then you realize that in a few short months, you will lose that child to his first semester of college. (Which means another blog post coming your way August, 2021).
I could go down a road of sadness, but I’ve written that blog. Sure, the tears are flowing and I am sad, but this is more about Father Time. This is one of those moments where you get a reminder that time is finite and you can’t do a damn thing about it. It’s all well and good to say “be happy for him. You’ve done a good job with him. He’s gonna be fine. You’re gonna be fine.” All true. But, that doesn’t and won’t change the fact that you grieve. You grieve the pitter pat of feet. You grieve the sound of the back gate opening late at night resting easy that all your birds are back safely in the nest. You grieve the ability to send them out to run the errands you don’t want to run.
But, most importantly, you grieve watching this young man who is amongst one of your best friends, move on to write their next chapter, that in many ways doesn’t involve you - at least, directly. We will never be strangers, but the access to him will just be more limited. And I think that’s what hurts. Closeness and immediacy are things we take for granted when confronted with loss of any kind. Sure, you want them to be successful and happy and safe. But, you also want them to come in to your room and tell you some random fact they learned in class that has them all excited. You want them to scurry out of their room, put them up against the “measuring” tube you have hanging on the wall and fill it with more quarters when they’ve grown a few inches.
So, we give in to the things we can’t control. We wish them well, watch them drive away and begin the calendar counting until the next time we are all together.
Above all, through the grief, we smile with the knowledge that this means one thing: we don’t just love our kids - we like them. We want to be around them. We want them to want to be around us. And if all those things are true, then we did our job. And that’s all we could ask.
To all those parents out there - here you go. Don’t listen to anyone tell you they’ve figured it out. This isn’t a race you prepare for. There are no words of wisdom. But, if you’ve done your part right, you will survive this moment in time and find the next thing that makes you proud to be their parent. Because, after all, that is the best thing we can hope for - not only see them fly, but seem the soar. That feeling I have when Caleb is on set with me and he’s unaware of my existence because he’s engrossed in his job IS exactly the feeling i dreamed of - to see that he’s gonna be ok. So, remember THAT feeling - remember watching from afar and every so often they will look back, catch your eye and the two of you will have a quick, shared moment, silently saying to one another - it’s all good.
Caleb Judson Sheppard Wolfson. I will give you my take on the Franklin quote by offering you the things I can say with certainty: there will always be a space for you on any callsheet I am involved with. There will always be $175 dollars in quarters outside your room, if and when you need some running around money. And above all, we will always and forever leave the light on should you come through that back gate late at night.
With love -
Daddy-Man
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