What Will People Say About Us

I am choosing to not proofread this post.  Maybe because it’s too hard to write in the first place, or maybe because stream of conscious feels more honest. And I am choosing to write this before the moment when I truly have to say goodbye, because in life is how I want to remember this person.  

To set the record straight, I don’t have much personal experience dealing with the death of loved ones - family or friends.  Which in so many ways makes me fortunate.  But, it does make me ill-prepared when it comes.  Not suggesting it’s easy for anyone - especially for those closest to the ones who leave us.  But, it presents its own set of difficulties when it comes to resolving loss.  The fact is that we all leave this life at one point or another and in the end, it truly is what we do with the days we are around.  And more importantly, I need to accept that pain and grief is ok.  And it comes and goes.  And there is no playbook for an active way to deal with it - but there is a playbook for a passive way to deal with - simply accepting that it’s a feeling - and it will pass.  And it will likely return over and over, but those too will pass.  And saying goodbye does not mean forgetting.

Dennie Smith doesn't deserve this fate.  Not that anyone “deserves” to die, but to be taken down by such a brutal disease is not the way a man who did everything right should go.  He should be with us for many more years and slip away peacefully down the road some years living out this beautiful life of his.

But, this story doesn’t have a fairy tale ending.  Which only forces us to come to terms with the fact that we don’t choose how we go out.  But, Dennie did show us what happens when we live life to the fullest. He set an example that almost feels out of reach for the mere mortal.  And now, with the pending loss of this man, we are privileged to read all the stories from the people who are remembering him - his students, his family, and his childhood friends.  And the one constant are the adjectives used to describe him.  And it’s not because it’s the “polite” thing to do when someone is dying - in this case, it’s because they are all so very true.  It’s because he had a gift - of making you feel like you were capable of doing anything - that you were his family - and it’s a deeply profound experience to be around such magnetism.

Many years ago, during the annual McCarty 4th of July weekend, Dennie brought me in as a “sous chef” of sorts, helping him prepare the massive catfish fry that was a trademark of the weekend.  To some, it would appear he pulled the old Huck Finn / Tom Sawyer routine - putting us to work so he could casually retreat for a beer in the shade.  But, it was much more than that.  It was a subtle lesson in the benefits of service. And it was an opportunity to be close to him.  He had a sincere, vested interest to hear about my past year - to share stories of travel and to enjoy the benefits of laughter.  He never had to ask for my help ever again - I relished the chance to sweat it out over those huge vats of oil sneaking first tastes of the fish and watching people share the experience he made possible.

In his death, I will be forced to analyze how I live the remaining years of my life.  In his death, I will fight hard to impress upon my own children the importance of service.  And I will continue to think of him often - for he was the type of person you simply cannot forget.

In his death, I will reflect on his relationship with Lana.  Oh how they laughed and loved.  And oh how they shared that love and laughter with others.  I will forever fight hard to maintain that love and laughter in my own relationship with Lauren.  

In his death, I will reflect on what his friends and family say about him.  For that truly is the mark of a person.  I will never be able to say I knew him better than anyone else.  Point of fact, there was much I didn’t know about Dennie and my time around him was limited to a few times a year.  But, that didn’t matter.  Time was moot.  He made every visit familiar, as if time stood still in between the months until we saw each other again.  

If one were to try and rationalize how it came to be that Dennie would face such a tragic ending, I suppose you could say that it took a disease that only 1 in a million get to bring down a man who truly was 1 in a million. 

So, as you make your way through this life, take a moment to reflect on what will people say - be true to your heart with the answer and allow that answer to guide you to be the person you want to be.  To offer service, love and respect above demanding it in return.  There is no guarantee that putting that out there will bring it back in kind - but it sure as hell seems to be worth the risk.

Thank you, Dennie Smith.  I was never a student in your classroom, but I certainly was your student in life.  And I will continue to be your student focusing on the lessons you have taught me.  

With love and respect.  May you truly rest in peace.

Comments

[Chyllis Scott]

Thank you for sharing, truly beautiful and well said. An amazing man.

[Rodney Shepard]

Well said DeeDub, and obviously from deep within your heart. r

[Libba]

David, beautifully written for such a loving man. Thank you for sharing your heart and capturing this moment.